The Lerios Family: A Day In The Life Of PERL



	A Day In The Life Of PERL by PERL (perl at lerios dot org)
PERL was born on April 28, 1996 in the state of Virginia. She was bred to be a research animal, and so she was. We adopted her in January 2003 from the research facility where she worked. Now that she has joined the Research Cat Protection Program of our household, her past is something we're not sharing with just anybody: suffice to say she was treated better than most graduate students prior to her graduation. Of course, as you might have guessed, her name has been changed to protect her identity: PERL is named after the computer language, as were our other cats. It's pronounced pearl or, given her loud purrs, puuuurl.
PERL adjusted to her new life very quickly. Since she had just completed her thesis, she took a short break from writing and let others take a stab at writing her story. Here is Martin Basher's "Living with PERL" exposé.

PERL was aghast that she was misrepresented in this documentary, so she asked that we air her version: so here is Take 2; The Interview They Wouldn't Show You.
Q: PERL, do you really sleep that much?
A: No I do not. Let's look at the photographic evidence in the tabloids, shall we?
	Exhibit A: Would you be able to sleep with an elephant next to you? I think not! The truth is I was hiding behind Christine's legs from my sister SeQueL, who is way more active than I can sometimes handle.
	Exhibit B: There is another explanation for me laying motionless in strange poses: I am practicing my yoga. It's what allows me to recenter after being pestered by SeQueL: Pascal throws fits, but I retain my balance and composure. Chant with me: ooommmm...
Q: Is it true that you carry emotional scars from working in a cubicle throughout your graduate years?
A: I do not. Let's take a second look at the photographs that "prove" I like tight enclosures, according to the tabloids:
	You might know that I am an avid fan of paperless communication. Not only that, but I also ensure that my human servants do proper recycling. So the only reason I got in the recycling bin was to check up on them... And if the National Enquirer suggests I'm a trashy girl, I'll ask Pascal to bite their head off.
	I don't think you realize how stupid humans are. If I want to get cleaned, I can point to the brush, I can rub against them, and yet sometimes they won't move a finger until I drop them a pretty direct hint.
	I also enjoy acting: recently, I took on the role of the snake in a local play of Genesis. My humans were Adam and Eve (they like running naked around the house anyway), my sister Pascal was God (she didn't have to act), and my other sister SeQueL was the apple (the ideal role for her intellect). Anyway, to play a snake, you have to be a snake.
Q: Do you have a healthy relationship with your human servants?
A: Well, it depends. The female is fairly smart. She usually obeys my commands, and responds:

The male though is a total idiot. The other day, he screwed up his email and I had to fix it for him:

And later on, I had to inspect his plumbing work:

I tell you: this house would fall apart if it weren't for my advice and guidance.
Q: What about your relationship with your sisters?
A: I don't get to see much of Pascal, and when I do she hisses at me so I leave her alone. SeQueL, on the other hand, is quite the handful. I love that little girl: she is so playful and fun, but I complain because sometimes she gets too tiring... Let me give you a taste of our daily interaction:
SeQueL: Come out and play with me!
PERL: Do I really have to?

SeQueL: Come and play, come and play!
PERL: [Resigned] OK... I hide, you seek.
[ Time passes... ]
SeQueL: PERL? PERL? I can't find you!
PERL: [Muttering to myself] She is not very bright that girl, is she? [Louder] Here I am SeQueL!
SeQueL: Eeeek! You scared me!
PERL: SeQueL, everything scares you.
SeQueL: Eeeek! Maybe you are not really my sister PERL, but an alien who took over her body!
PERL: Good grief... Well, it is a nice body so who would blame the alien? Anyway, just smell me you idiot.

SeQueL: Oh, yeah, it is you. Hooray! What shall we do now?
PERL: I'll tell you. Are you hungry?
SeQueL: Am I ever not hungry?
PERL: Right. I'll use my mind control powers to make the female bring me food. On your part, use your bright eyes to hypnotize the male and keep him out of my way.

[The plan works, as always, and we get tuna. Then we rest to digest.]
PERL: Good job, little sister. You are not as dumb as you look.
SeQueL: Eeek! Who are you again and why are you reaching for my butt?

PERL: Sigh. When God was raining brains, somebody was holding an umbrella. Actually, since you don't have hands, that somebody was probably the male human, and you were nuzzling up to him, as usual.

© 1995-2012 Apostolos & Christine Lerios

A Day In The Life Of PERL

by PERL (perl at lerios dot org)

PERL adjusted to her new life very quickly. Since she had just completed her thesis, she took a short break from writing and let others take a stab at writing her story. Here is Martin Basher's "Living with PERL" exposé.

PERL was aghast that she was misrepresented in this documentary, so she asked that we air her version: so here is Take 2; The Interview They Wouldn't Show You.

Q: PERL, do you really sleep that much?

A: No I do not. Let's look at the photographic evidence in the tabloids, shall we?

Exhibit A: Would you be able to sleep with an elephant next to you? I think not! The truth is I was hiding behind Christine's legs from my sister SeQueL, who is way more active than I can sometimes handle.

Exhibit B: There is another explanation for me laying motionless in strange poses: I am practicing my yoga. It's what allows me to recenter after being pestered by SeQueL: Pascal throws fits, but I retain my balance and composure. Chant with me: ooommmm...

Q: Is it true that you carry emotional scars from working in a cubicle throughout your graduate years?

A: I do not. Let's take a second look at the photographs that "prove" I like tight enclosures, according to the tabloids:

I don't think you realize how stupid humans are. If I want to get cleaned, I can point to the brush, I can rub against them, and yet sometimes they won't move a finger until I drop them a pretty direct hint.

Q: Do you have a healthy relationship with your human servants?

A: Well, it depends. The female is fairly smart. She usually obeys my commands, and responds:

The male though is a total idiot. The other day, he screwed up his email and I had to fix it for him:

And later on, I had to inspect his plumbing work:

I tell you: this house would fall apart if it weren't for my advice and guidance.

Q: What about your relationship with your sisters?

A: I don't get to see much of Pascal, and when I do she hisses at me so I leave her alone. SeQueL, on the other hand, is quite the handful. I love that little girl: she is so playful and fun, but I complain because sometimes she gets too tiring... Let me give you a taste of our daily interaction:

SeQueL: Come out and play with me!

PERL: Do I really have to?

SeQueL: Come and play, come and play!

PERL: [Resigned] OK... I hide, you seek.

[ Time passes... ]

SeQueL: PERL? PERL? I can't find you!

PERL: [Muttering to myself] She is not very bright that girl, is she? [Louder] Here I am SeQueL!

SeQueL: Eeeek! You scared me!

PERL: SeQueL, everything scares you.

SeQueL: Eeeek! Maybe you are not really my sister PERL, but an alien who took over her body!

PERL: Good grief... Well, it is a nice body so who would blame the alien? Anyway, just smell me you idiot.

SeQueL: Oh, yeah, it is you. Hooray! What shall we do now?

PERL: I'll tell you. Are you hungry?

SeQueL: Am I ever not hungry?

PERL: Right. I'll use my mind control powers to make the female bring me food. On your part, use your bright eyes to hypnotize the male and keep him out of my way.

[The plan works, as always, and we get tuna. Then we rest to digest.]

PERL: Good job, little sister. You are not as dumb as you look.

SeQueL: Eeek! Who are you again and why are you reaching for my butt?

PERL: Sigh. When God was raining brains, somebody was holding an umbrella. Actually, since you don't have hands, that somebody was probably the male human, and you were nuzzling up to him, as usual.

© 1995-2012 Apostolos & Christine Lerios